Epilogue – What I’ve Learned So Far ©
Before journeying on the path, many of us may have been afraid to ask the question, “What is Happiness?” Or more succinctly, “Am I happy?” But now, I hope, and at least for myself, I know happiness is all about love – as everything else falls into place after that. And, “Yes, I am happy. “ I do affirm my happiness everyday along with my good health. Though admitting that I felt inadequate prior from my Past, as most of us have those residues from parental controls or personal traumas. It is amazing what negative beliefs of others and ourselves we can overcome with age and perseverance. Middle age can prove success over the fears of failure that we had during our 25 – 35 age group. So many of us in that period were trudging on so, as to not face up to the nagging fears in the pit of our stomach.
Some of the best known successes came under the duress of tragedy, or hardship of just staying afloat emotionally. Though each individual’s travails differ in context and content, it is always truly how they were handled that marks the results. One, with what could be called the easier problems, may have failed by not having sufficient experience, or from being over protected so not knowing how to deal with them. Another succeeds under the most horrendous of situations, only because s/he sees no other alternative. I always considered myself an adaptive child as I generally knew that I had to please my mother for peace, and do things for myself as I rarely had any supporters from within my family. In addition, I lacked confiding my needs and desires to others, as believing my aspiring dreams would look foolish to them.
While true depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain, many psychologists consider general depression to be a defense mechanism. It is deployed by simply not dealing with what is bothering you, and usually from the Past. How many millions choose drugs over processing? In the 1970s, it was Valium that was the trendy pill to pop whenever you had any stress, or even just expected to have any. Maybe that is when we became so accustomed to taking a pill to make us happy. With that, we see the under 30 group in a combination of lossness, and over reaction to their current life from their prior family dynamics. It is difficult for this group to grasp maturity, much less the decisions to succeed or face reality. The wounds of anyone’s younger years can be healed and released. We all sometimes need to learn the self-preservation trick of tying a knot at the end of our rope – so we don’t give up entirely. It is most amazing how some depressed wall flowers, and others bloom in their later middle age, I being one. If only more humans could produce pearls out of irritating situations, the way that oysters do. While wisdom is not guaranteed with age, it is often developed after surviving some major life challenging bouts. Obviously, the earlier one can release one’s Past demons, the more happy a future time one has to live and be loved.
There actually have been a number of studies that have proved that a positive/optimistic attitude, and general point of view is healthier both physically and mentally than a negative/pessimistic depressive one. This is like saying that someone drinks because of they’ve had a difficult life. No, once again research shows that any addiction comes from some sort of repressed feelings. Get that out and released, and amazingly the addiction is usually gone. The good and bad of all of our relationships, whether of those related to us or not, will define how happy and gracefully we age. The bottom-line is and always will be the various kinds of love we have felt, again especially for ourselves. While reality may be defined quite differently by most of us, love in its myriad of flavors has a solid base of happy, and feelings of worth. If it is needy and dependent, and you respond by rescuing, you are giving your power away, or even worse, it is being sucked from you. Competitive jealousy also sucks your power. There is a male consciousness of being told they are superior, when they are not. Most importantly, true love has never had the requirement of money, education or social standing. Also crucial, is to gratefully come to a point in your life where you do Not respond to someone’s expectation of you. It is simply being loved for who we are – the ‘warts and all,’ again.
While it is true that the positiveness of Pollyanna puts me out on a limb for disappointment or rejection, I remind myself and accept, that happiness like everything else is a choice – and winners risk it all sometimes. For others who fear being hurt, they may die never being able to accept love, or other acknowledgment of a happy life lived. It may be said that while passion may drive the young, it is compassion that comforts us when older. I guess there is an adjustment to one’s life, and then there is happy. I want to go out of this life having sung, danced and played every last note of my music – no unfinished symphony for me. They don’t have to all be great, and never expected to be perfect, but the lines on my face will be from laughing and smiling, not sadness or worry. Unfortunately, most of the men I loved, and who loved me, we’re never able to truly express or show that love to me. I do not Now look back on any of my relationships with any bitterness. As I totally accept that as with any other friendships, they come and go into our lives, as they’re meant to be at that time in my life for my best and highest good.
What I needed, and have learned, was when it was best for me to move on, especially regarding my marriages, my parents and relatives. I had put on facades for all of them for so long, they really had no clue and were rather shocked when I left. They didn’t understand what freedom I was talking about, and how it affected my happiness. Taking leave of a lover or others, is not something that we’re taught how to do, especially when it sounds selfish, in that it is for happiness sake only. The idea of not being responsible for another’s happiness, nor them for ours would sound foreign, if not downright bizarre to many. When the concept of trying to please, or make your parent or partner happy has been your way of life, the idea that “you cannot make another person happy, it comes from inside them,” sounds like an amazing revolution. We all do change, but for most of us just not at the same time or rate as others. I have finally learned that it is not something I need to apologize for, or even try to make amends to anyone. I’ve given up my adapting a thousand different ways, and still usually not succeeding. I’ve tried to let go or leave while I could still look back on some positive experiences together, and maybe be somewhat of friends. To be happy is to be healthy, and it all comes from being loved, of course, by yourself.
Love and Peace,
Alice Parker – apinsf@hotmail.com
Because of many people responding, I was encouraged to turn this blog into a book to share with more people, which is now complete. If you think you might be interested in reading it, please go to http://www.lulu.com/ – click the tab for “Buy” and choose “Books” from the Search, and then put in the title – Move Past Your Past or even my name – Alice Parker. It is a POD – Print on Demand and they ship around the world.
Also, if I may ask, if you think you might have some friends that might be interested in the book, please do sent them the information and attachments. I am more than happy to speak at any group, or if you know of any radio talk shows, etc. I will be happy to share what I have learned. It has been quite a journey for me, and one that I know will continue.
Thank you so much, and I do look forward to hearing from you.
Love & Peace,
Alice Parker
Tags: Epilogue
