Freedom – Independence #36 ©
A recent extensive survey of numerous countries found “freedom of choice is not only a universal aspiration, but the single most important basis of human happiness.” But, as with many things, there are strings attached, or priorities that need to be dealt with before one can be thinking about what ‘choices’ do I have today. As the classic Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs has stated for many years, the whole area of “Biological /Physical” and “Safety needs” must first be met on a regular basis before a person can ponder the “Belongingness and Love needs of family, affection, relationships, work groups, etc.” While most psychologists would probably say that it is actually the 4th and 5th Steps, or rungs on the Maslow pyramid of “Esteem” and “Self-Actualization” needs that real Freedom, Choice and, of course, Independence kicks in. And, most definitely this is a sad thing, as accepted research states that over 90% of the world’s population, or more surprisingly, almost 80% of the USA never reach those final Maslow steps.
What is the point of this? Well, for one thing it says a lot about people who are on their path of finding themselves, whether it’s for Spiritual purposes, or simply knowing themselves – Maslow’s Self-Actualization. A side note would be that the Spirituality usually evolves as one knows oneself, which involves truth – which then branches to forgiveness, love, respect, higher power, etc. So, once again we can look at this as a connect the dots: Freedom – Independence (Self-Actualization) requires: responsibility, accountability, respect – first to oneself, as you can’t respect others until you respect yourself. There is love of self – same reason as respect, life satisfaction from being self-sustainable – you’re supporting yourself and contributing back to the community in what you do. Now we get into the more nebulous areas, of which Your freedom of choice means that you also give and respect it for Others as well. In other words, ‘social tolerance’ in how you believe/accept others to be able to do as they choose. I always say, if God can give us Freewill in what we do, why can’t we do the same with others? So that respect is for All and Everything – like the environment – not being wasteful of anything, while also sharing what you have in abundance. The Basis of Buddhism – “Do no harm to anyone or anything.” Legally this is freedom with license, not licentiousness – doing what you want without regard to what affects it would have on others.
Personally I do believe in the ”Gratitude Attitude” – whatever I ask for and it is given to me, I say ‘thank you.’ This can be something as basic as waking up to a new day and all of the possibilities it may have. Then again, at the end of a day and being thankful of all the basics of food, shelter, and then all of my friends, along with being able to do what I wanted to do that day. Sometimes just recognizing and acknowledging that I’ve had happiness that day, which most of it came from my expected Freedom and Independence. I may not be happy with some things in life, but my happiness was of my own making, as Maslow says of self-esteem coming from accomplishments, which usually stem from expanding and doing new things or creative things. Most people are on their path because they were not happy with how their life was going, and knew it needed a change – most specifically what was their purpose in life, or why they are here. Part of me cannot imagine living in a country where I had so little choices on a daily basis, yet I saw it when I lived in Japan and also traveled to other countries. I can understand that some would prefer death than to continue under such restrictions. So many of us take so much for granted in the simple act of choosing when to eat, what to wear, where to live or what job to do. How many people who complain about the lack of choices in these things could never comprehend not having to make those decisions?
Exercise: Most people rarely feel that they are complainers or negative, or lack appreciation for what we all do have. So, if you are brave and honest enough, start keeping a scratch tally for just one week of every complaint, negative thought or feeling of not getting what you wanted. This includes the little, trivial, petty things that you allow to pop into your mind: driving, someone pulls in front of you – they’re a jerk, right?; or the customer service was not attentive enough; or someone that you think took your spot or whatever on purpose; or angers you for not saying thanks, and so forth. Notice how long it takes you to start catching yourself, or even if you do – I would hope so! What this exercise reveals is that we may not be doing horrible negative things like stealing from people or on your job, but you are often knit-picking others, or even ourselves, to death with what is really trivial pettiness. Will the world end without your favorite donut?
As the saying goes, “You never know what you’ve got until you lose it.” Garbage or public transportation strikes really bring that home. Most people are dong the best they can, and if you truly have a legitimate complaint, take it to the Manager, don’t keep bitching and complaining to your friends like some drama queen playing poor me! Once you complete this exercise, acknowledge that you are not controlling your thoughts or feelings, or even might be setting yourself up by allowing these things to happen. Don’t go to that store, or change your schedule to not be involved in the heavy traffic. The next step is changing your own bad habits, or putting yourself into negative situations. Take control of your thoughts and deeds by deliberately programing yourself into constructive acting and thinking. The stronger you will then be and the more natural the positive response will be. Soon, your pattern of thinking and acting will automatically be more positive instead of negative, as you’ve established a new constructive habit. Think about what you can control to change it, and what you can’t – for now – how can you best adapt to it until change is possible? Just stating appreciation makes it better as you are now surrounded by positive energy. The old fake it ‘til you make syndrome works.
I remind myself that Thomas Edison tried over ten thousand different filaments before he got that light bulb to stay lit. So, we step out and we try new things and learn to laugh at ourselves when we fail. Self confidence grows just in the act of trying – experimenting with new things. Maslow said, “Self-actualization . . . finding what you were born to do. A musician must make music, an artist must paint, and a poet must write.” He did not say that you had to become rich and famous doing it to have become ‘self-actualized.’ It is in the Doing that many people find their Being. It may not be your career, but it can be your passion, for that brings happiness. Just as finding the right mate may bring you happiness, it is still your choice to personally be happy and not their responsibility to make it happen. You cannot look to others when you ‘feel’ inferior, weak, helpless or worthless – those are all feelings that you create inside of you. And, Maslow’s Self-fulfilling Prophecy is absolute truth: whatever you believe you are or you can do, you will – be it negative or positive.
Tags: Independence
